Should I Tell an Employee I’m Proud of Her?
When we were little, we had adults tell us they were proud of choices or actions. And as adults ourselves now, it’s easy to see how having found meaning in those words, we might use them with employees.
But to say “I’m proud of you” to another adult may be perceived as condescending, as it denotes not only a hierarchy, but takes away some of the ownership over the accomplishment. Our parents, teachers, and coaches typically told us they were proud because we implemented their lessons and achieved success. And while that may be true with employees, as a leader, we never want to steal the thunder of an employee as it can stop the momentum she or he has to continue moving forward.
What to Say Instead
In a past position, I had the honor of hiring and managing a woman who has gone on to do great things. Not only is she now an attorney, but she is a successful small business owner. She’s started a personal training company, and developed partnerships and a media presence that the majority of entrepreneurs don’t achieve in 10 years, let alone two.
Although I knew her as a student, and had the ability to watch her professional growth, “I’m proud of you,” seems patronizing, as though I’m still in a senior position to her, and as though my guidance had something to do with it.
“I’m so impressed” allows an employee (or former employee in my case) to maintain ownership of her accomplishments, while sharing the original sentiment: you are in joy and awe by what your team member has achieved.
In addition, acknowledging your “why” has the ability to build connection. I had started a personal training business myself, but I did not pursue the passion as far as I wish I had. To witness my former employee’s success in an industry that I knew and for which I held a passion was particularly personal for me. In sharing that bit of my background, I was able to further strengthen our relationship.
It may seem small, but as the saying goes, it’s the small things that make a big difference.
