What is Feminine Power?
Last summer in New York, I met up with a friend. I had just finished a talk on the power of feminine energy at work, and the Google Manifesto had just been been released. As I started to relay the chaos and time pressure I endured to rewrite my speech to address James Damore’s false conclusion that women were inferior, she interrupted, stating, “That’s right. Men and women are the same.”
Actually, no.
Damore and I agreed on one point: men and women are different. Arguing that position in professional circles is controversial. It’s also true.
When I first learned about the difference between the masculine and the feminine in the context of romantic relationships, it made complete sense. It normalized and validated my experience as a woman on the planet, instilling both clarity and confidence.
Understanding diffused awareness, and the fact that it was normal for me to be aware of every element in my environment simultaneously because of the way my brain was structured, validated my world experience in a way that I had not previously been able to articulate. The other subtle elements – my contemplative attitude with risk, my natural empathy, and my creative tendencies – were all linked to neuroscience and evolution. I was fascinated. And relieved.
What I had previously thought a personal character flaw was suddenly normalized. I no longer found my abilities inferior to the masculine traits that I was taught society preferred. Being a female was simply different.
As relieved as the knowledge left me, it had the adverse affect on other women. Like everyone, I was taught certain traits make us successful at work: winning, competing, asserting yourself, speaking directly, the ability to focus, and to be in action. I consistently felt as though I was falling short in mastering these qualities. Learning that these qualities are were masculine did not deprive me of the ability to excel at them, but rather, it confirmed that some of these traits were not natural to me, and that was OK. In addition, I found a plethora of additional traits, that I had not previously valued, which came naturally to me.
Feminine traits are not exclusive to women. When Martin Luther King was assassinated, Senator Bobby Kennedy made the announcement to a crowd in Indianapolis. When he did he held space for the pain and shock of a community, validating their fear and sadness, while looking ahead with a message of peace and promise. That example of strength and vulnerability is feminine energy in action. It is a way of being rather than an act of doing, and that is why the power of the feminine is so misunderstood. Americans, and most Westerners, have a hard time with the idea fo merely being. With “work hard, play hard” the motto of many is it any wonder that we suffer from such an imbalance? As a society we are overworked, physically ill, emotionally depleted, and seeking to fill the gap in the form of medication, food alcohol, social media, and thousands of other distractions.
The power of being still and alone with our own thoughts is terrifying to many people. But this feminine space of introspection and reflection can provide answers to what is lacking, and what we need.
The decision on how to proceed is all yours.
