The Bottom of Your Worry
Fear is a constant. Like a beach ball underwater, you may seem to have a handle on it, when suddenly and without warning, it pops up at the other end of the pool. You can’t keep it down no matter how hard you try, and the effort in the attempt is consuming you.
Fear has a bottom. It may not feel like it, but there is a reason behind your fear. It may be irrational, and unrelated to reality, and therefore logic will not eliminate fear. How do you confront the bottom of this, unearth it, uproot it, and eliminate it once and for all?
The Spiral Show Down
Take an example from my own life. In my last corporate job, my division experienced layoffs. In fact, 40% of our division was cut, with those of us remaining experiencing PTSD anxiety. I came to my coach one day, anxious about my competitor and furiously attempting to keep up with her marketing efforts, despite the fact that my territory was triple the size of hers after our layoffs.
“What do you think will happen if you work less than you are now?” my coach Laura asked.
“My competitor will win sales inside the territory.”
“And what will happen if she wins sales?” Laura asked.
“I’ll look like I’m doing a terrible job.”
“And then what?”
“I’ll get a bad review.”
“And?” Laura prompted.
“I’ll be placed on a performance improvement plan.”
“And then what?” she asked.
“I’ll not be able to improve and I’ll lose my job.”
“And what will happen if you lose your job?”
“I won’t be able to pay my mortgage.”
“And?”
“I’ll lose my house, and I’ll die homeless and alone under a bridge!”
The under a bridge piece was incredibly specific. Laura paused before asking, “So how many steps between a bad review and dying homeless and alone under a bridge?”
About seven. Any of which (if even realistic) might have provided a stop-gap to the spiral of doom that I had subconsciously created. My worry was on a downward spiral from 0 to 60, and I hadn’t even known it. Lay-offs and tough competition had triggered a deep fear of being worthy – of work, of time and attention, of being on the planet. I hadn’t known how far the fear went, and it may sound extreme in this case. (What can I say? I was a theater major.) But being able to identify what is at the root of our reaction, and how many steps there are between where we currently sit, and where we’ve already arrived in our mind is probably much farther than we realize.
The distance can provide both comfort, and a healthy does of reality, too.
